Each week, Gen Y sexpert Dame Cooke will answer your questions on relationships, dating, or lack thereof. To submit a question, write to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dear Dame Cooke,
My college boyfriend and I were together for almost four years. We broke up because we were growing apart, getting bored, and we both ended up cheating on each other, along with a host of other awful things and events. It was a hard break-up, and we haven’t really spoken or been friendly since. But, we recently reconnected at an Occupy protest, and it’s pretty clear that I still love him and he’s admitted as much to me, too. We’re both in different places than we were two years ago when we broke up, and it feels different, but can I trust it? Is it ever really different with the same person? Or is the excitement of revolution blinding me to his true evil nature?
– Youth in Relationship Revolt
It sounds like the Occupy movement isn’t the only thing you’re up in arms about right now. Slow down! Despite what Pat Benatar may have said, love isn’t actually a battlefield.
You presented three perfectly rational reasons for why you and this guy broke up on top of the “other awful things and events” that apparently also occurred. I know there are some things you don’t want to share with the TNGG readers, but if your relationship was so bad you have to generalize it as “awful things and events” – do you really need me to tell you that this whole situation is bad news?
It’s like leaving a nightmare job. If your boss wasn’t paying you enough, worked you too hard, and didn’t appreciate you – why would you give up the opportunity to find a better one ? You have to remember that you broke up for a reason, YIRR, and, in this case, you broke up for three-plus reasons.
To address your specific question – no, you can’t trust it. Frankly, if you have to question whether or not you trust something – you are, by definition, nottrusting it. That little voice inside your head is saying he might be evil. Listen to it! This isn’t a Twilight movie, YIRR, this is a real matter of the heart and to be honest, I’m worried about you being around someone who is sending your brain danger signals. You deserve someone who gives you butterflies, not a punch-in-the-stomach feeling. I suggest you re-focus your passion on Occupy Wall Street and don’t let this guy occupy your thoughts for another second. (Sorry, I had to.)