Dame Cooke Presents: 9 Signs You’re THAT Girl

Ladies, sometimes the best way to learn what you should be doing to find Mr. (or Mrs.) Right, is with a gentle reminder of what you shouldn’t be doing. Let’s face it, no one likes THAT girl and if you don’t know who THAT girl is, it’s entirely possible that it’s you.

You might THAT girl if:

  • You tow a gaggle of your girlfriends to the club with you. There is nothing like a mob of your besties to scare off everyone around you. See also: Huge Group of Girls
  • You are wearing ridiculously inappropriate shoes. Your most common offense is wearing heels you don’t know how to walk in. They make you hobble around like a baby giraffe. Alternatively, you might be THAT girl if you are wearing Uggs… Ever.
  • You won’t shut up about your ex. Everyone including your hair stylist and the mailman know about your break up. They even know the life story of the skank he met on OK Cupid 3 weeks after you stopped dating. You don’t have any shame when talking about how you still log into his Facebook account and read his messages. Not even THAT girl likes having THAT girl around.
  • You might also be THAT girl if you won’t shut up about your boyfriend. You keep dragging him along with you when we go out, but I never get a chance to talk to him because your tongue is always in his mouth. I know every single one of his dirty secrets, but to be honest, I couldn’t even tell you his name, considering you only refer to him as “my boyfriend.”
  • If you know what the “Jersey Turnpike” is and you actually do it, you are definitely THAT girl.
  • WOO is a cornerstone in your vocabulary. If your reaction to a Pitbull song is a squeal of “WOOOO!!” you are probably beyond any help my advice column can provide. That sound is like a dog whistle to potential mates.
  • You fight people. Why does THAT girl always manage to get into a fight? Seriously, we can’t bring you anywhere. No one was staring at you, no one was giving you attitude… you’re just crazy and you’re the reason we can’t have nice things.
  • You won’t put your camera away. You take pictures in the cab, in the bathroom, and on the dance floor. You take pictures of your drinks and your nail polish and that random guy you were talking to in the corner for 5 minutes. You have the skinny arm and chin-tilt pose down to a science. You are probably tagging ugly pictures of me from last night on Facebook as I write this.
  • Lastly, if you can’t remember if you’re THAT girl because you were too drunk last night, you’re definitely THAT girl. She is always blacked out.

Readers, how do you spot THAT girl? Let us know some other telltale signs in the comments.

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