How We Party: From the Soiree to the Kegger

Want the quintessential college party? Look at Ohio University, named the number one party school by the 2012 Princeton Review. On an average Friday night, the kegs come out, the bros and trixies dress their best, and the dubstep blares through speakers the size of the DJ’s torso. Everything is sure to get out of control, from freshmen breaking down the doors to random couples making out in the bathroom. Imagine any formulaic college movie where the main characters get trashed at a party. Even if the movie is ridiculous, at least the writers did their research.

But does every college party need to be a Drunkfest of Inebriation? Not so! There are plenty of options for a college get-together besides the average frat debacle. Consult the list below and see which one satisfies you most.

The Fancy Soiree: The dress code is suits and dresses. Drinks consist of the best stuff a college student can afford: Makers Mark, Black Label, Tanqueray, and Grey Goose. You might even have a friend who’s a bartender. Music is light, probably jazz. Palatable for the academics in your circle of friends, particularly the politics or law majors. (NOTE: The fanciness of this event will eventually degrade into a Drunkfest of Inebriation, but at least you tried to be classy.)

The Hipster Hangout: Very small and probably not even on campus. In fact, you’re all probably drinking Kentucky Gentleman from the bottle in the back room of a local record store or in someone’s basement. There’s a band playing that’s so obscure even the owner hasn’t heard of them before. You and your friends talk about how lame everyone else on campus is for going to the same party every week while completely ignoring the fact that this is the fifth time you’ve had to bribe the owner to let you all stay after hours. Oh, and everyone is probably dressed like they don’t care how they look, despite the fact they spent $80 on their outfit that took three hours to put together.

The Hippie/Drug Party: Of course it’s not directly called this, but you know exactly what type of party this is. Often takes place on colleges outside the city, usually in the woods, a cabin, or in someone’s top floor apartment. Everyone is dropping acid, mali, or tripping on mushrooms while oldies blare in the weed-induced background. Plaid, tye dye, and headbands is commonly seen, hula-hooping and glow sticks are popular, and everyone is stoked on life. A bit similar to the hipster party, except nobody is gossiping about how everyone else is so lame.

Friday Night Nerdfest: The most massive Magic: The Gathering game, held in your friend’s underground bunker which he built himself. J-pop from that really hot Japanese anime plays softly in the background. The strongest drink in the place is Mountain Dew Baja Blast, and fights break out over whether Haruhi Suzimaya or Minako Aino is the cutest girl… even though both of them aren’t real.

Of course, this list is only applicable if you’re a party person. If you’ve got a fella or a girl, you’d probably much rather be snuggling up with them on a couch with a nice movie and some popcorn. If you’re alone and over 21, there’s always the local dive bar to hit up for some drinks and strangers with whom you can revel in misery.

College starts up again in a couple of weeks, and these are the things we’ve got to start thinking about. Forget textbooks; let’s get our priorities straight.

What were the kinds of parties you went to in college? Tell us in the comments!

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