Green GIANTS: Best of Green Week 2011

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, you’re hosting a Christmas party. It’s a holly-jolly good time until a certain group of pals make that decisive turn towards too much mulled wine. Before you know it, you’re ambushed with snide remarks on all sides pertaining to your recently acquired Prius parked in the driveway. “Hey, flower child! Can I hitch a ride to Haight-Ashbury with ya? That is, if your backseat isn’t already too full of organic melons and hemp belts…”

You duck into the foyer, where your cousin, Miss Green Goddess USA herself, stands admiring your tree, its high-efficiency fairy lights blinking jubilantly like a swarm of lightning bugs raving on E. “Yep, I decided it would be better to get a fake tree rather than chopping down one of those poor, defenseless evergreens,” you say, beaming with pride.

“Actually,” she cuts you off, her tone dripping with self-importance. “Not only are most artificial trees made from nonrenewable plastic, the vast majority of them are shipped over from China. So it was a nice thought, but it would actually be a lot more environmentally friendly of you to stick with a real tree. You could have turned it into mulch so its life force could continue even after the holidays are over,” she ends with a patronizing smile.

You’re not a violent person, but in that moment you would like nothing more than to smack her. Instead you set to work cleaning up, not even bothering to separate out the recyclables. The idea that your pitiful attempt to lead an environmentally-friendly existence could ever have even have the tiniest hiccup of a chance at, well, mattering? Ha.

The fact is, while we’re old enough where we’re no longer allowed to ignore important issues and trust our parents will take care of it, we’re still young and cute enough to get away with making mistakes. The environmental preservation is way too important to not try. So I would advise you to make like a rapper: get green and f*** the haters.

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